Today’s headlines are full of Taylor Swift content, and hardly anything she does goes unnoticed by the public. While many headlines have focused on Taylor’s own breakups, some of the most notable recent headlines are those involving the support she has extended to her friend, actress Sophie Turner, amidst the recent turmoil of Sophie’s divorce from pop star Joe Jonas. In the wake of these stories, more is coming out about Taylor being a go-to support for many of her friends when they are experiencing heartbreak. What can you learn from the headlines when you find yourself in your #DivorceEra? The importance of finding your “squad”—or, those trusted people in your life who will comprise your support system and emotionally carry you through during your own divorce process.

While your life may already be full of family and friends, it is important to identify those who can be most supportive to you during this major life transition. Not all friends and family may fit the bill right now, and that is okay. Your “squad” does not need to be limited to family or friends, either! Be open to adding a trusted professional, like a therapist or divorce coach, to your circle. You may really value their unique expertise and insight as you navigate this process.

When determining who should make the cut to join your divorce “squad,” some traits to be on the lookout for include:

1) Trustworthiness: You should be able to talk openly about your hopes and fears in your divorce while knowing your confidence is safely placed with this individual. You should feel as if you can safely rely on this person, and that he or she allows you to be your authentic self.

2) A listening ear: While those in your circle may not be able to solve the problems you face in your divorce, it is extremely helpful to have a solid listening ear as you work through them. An excellent addition to your squad is someone who makes you feel heard and believed, and who gives you room to speak without judgment.

3) Validation: It is important for you to feel as if there is space for your feelings, and also that it is okay to experience those feelings. A great confidante will make you feel seen and does not need to have personally experienced what you are experiencing in order to do so.

4) Perspective: It can sometimes feel like the world is crashing down around you in the stress of a divorce. A great support is one who can bring you outside of yourself, who helps you to see the bigger picture when you need to, and who reminds you that “this too shall pass.”

The importance of surrounding yourself with the right divorce support system, or “squad,” is critical. Maintaining supportive relationships through this transition is beneficial to you and your mental health. You do not need to go through this alone. Put your faith in the right people to be there for you as you navigate your divorce process, and to help you to eventually “shake it off.”

Colleen M. Breems, Partner
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